[OPEN] forever unforgiven

[tarquin finley ellis]

He waited calmly for Connor to relax against being held, and once the male's head was at his shoulder, he started moving towards one of the buildings with easy strides. Connor wasn't very heavy at all, though the wings were a bit of a concern, only because Quinn was trying to mindful of them as he walked. They weren't trailing over the ground, thankfully, so that helped. He nodded at the words, thinking. "Small portions and slowly is best in this kind of instance." He agreed lightly. A little bit of anything at this point would be good.

He was pondering the whole thing as he carried Connor, debating on the ice cream idea and figuring simple vanilla without all the sugary additives would be best. Which worked out, since he had some of that flavor in his mini freezer thing. He managed the dorm door carefully, closing it and setting Connor on the bed to turn and get a bowl and spoon and then pull the ice cream out -- a little bit -- and then hand it to Connor. Quinn then stretched out beside the male, his gaze once more on the wings, fingers moving to stroke over the feathers lightly.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor sat down carefully, shifting his weight and spreading his wings a bit before they relaxed behind him. He wasn't sure how comfortable he was to be in another person's dorm room, but it didn't really matter at this point. Mumbling a soft thanks, he took the bowl and a careful bite, only hoping it wouldn't make him sick. Shoulders relaxed at Quinn's touch over his wings, smiling over at him faintly.

[tarquin finley ellis]

He was relaxed there, stroking the feathers and wondering how well the ice cream would settle. Still, there wasn't much to do but wait and see, so he was calm enough to wait it out. So long as Connor didn't eat quickly or too much, Quinn figured it might be okay. It wasn't a solid food, which made it easier no matter how it went, he supposed. A base product instead of acidic, too. These were the things that seemed to be on the forefront of his mind.

At Connor's faint smile, Quinn responded with one of his own. Fingers still tracing, trailing over the male's wings, he glanced back up. "Have they said anything about trying to feed you through a tube or whatever? That could probably work, and you aren't a stranger with the whole needle-injection thing..." He was curious, not sure what actions had already been taken as of yet. Quinn didn't know a whole lot on the matter, since it had been hard to keep up with all the crazy shit they'd done for Calan when he'd still been around. Seemed like a faint memory now..

[connor crayze sykes]

Cononr watched him quietly, taking another bite of ice cream. "Y-yeah," He mumbled. "Thr-reatened to force me.." He couldn't admit to his eating problem itself, nor could he admit to his fear of hospitals, how just being in one practically sent him into panic attacks. He's always had a problem with panic, some labeling him as having post-traumatic stress disorder. But he had a lot of shit wrong with him, that much he knew.

Coughing softly, he took another careful bite of ice cream, at least enjoying how it soothed his aching throat from screaming at Deacon.

[tarquin finley ellis]

He watched idly, half lost in his own thoughts for the moment. He blinked at the words, giving a slow nod. Well Quinn figured that they might take it to that extreme, but honestly the choices were getting pretty slim as it was. Quinn was a little surprised that they'd only threatened so far. That was actually very easy going of them compared to some doctors. He didn't say it, of course. Wasn't going to make any difference.

Perhaps they'd hook him up when he couldn't move anymore. There wouldn't be much of a choice if they wanted to keep him alive by then. And to be fair, Quinn be more apt to helping them do that if it came down to it. His finger trailed up over the wing, moving to the skin between the wings and running lightly down Connor's all too visable spine. He sighed, moving to sit up and lean closer, pressing gentle kisses up the male's spine; moving Connor's hair out of the way to pause at the back of the male's neck; unmoving at that point and lost int thought again.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor shivered faintly at the touch down the ridge of his bony spine, his stomach twisting, begging for food now that he was eating it. But he didn't dare do anything except continue to work on the small bowl he had been given. He drew in a breath at the kisses, relaxing when he felt they were gentle, distracted. He didn't say a word, allowing Quinn to get lost in thought before finishing his bowl and setting it down, eyes closing.

[tarquin finley ellis]

It was easy silence in those minutes, at least for him, and his mind was going every which way. Everything was still calm and collected, and considering all of it, Quinn was in a good mood. Right now, anyway. It had been quite wobbly at the words of Connor getting kissed, but Quinn had put it out of his mind after marking the male's neck. That was not something he would stress over further; not yet, at least.

At the sound of the bowl being set down, he blinked out of the thoughts and settled his chin carefully at Connor's shoulder, hands slowly brushing over the male's sides. "How are you feeling?" He asked evenly, wondering if there were any internal signs of discomfort from Connor's stomach or not. Quinn wasn't sure how long the wait period for finding out if there would be issues from the ice cream, but he was concerned.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor leaned back the slightest bit, paying mind to his wings. "Ar-right.." If dying every second of your life was alright, at least. If the stuff did make him sick, it wouldn't be until later that night, anyway. He yawned, then leaned forward as he began to cough, clearing his throat huskily after several moments before easing back again. Anybody should have known not to get attached, it was why many didn't. If not because of his attitude or addictions, then it was because he was so sick.

[tarquin finley ellis]

There was an overly pleased sound when Connor leaned back -- the littlest things were enough at this point to Quinn -- and his hands were still gently brushing over the male's sides in a calm, lazy manner. At the words, Quinn was glad, at least that Connor's stomach wasn't bothering him. Quinn knows that there's still other types of pain that the male must be going through, but some kind of food, junk food or not, was better then nothing. He doesn't want to think about all the other bad things Connor's body must be going through, and Quinn knew that if there was a way, he'd want to take some of the burden to help.

Things didn't work that way, so all Quinn could do was be there. He doesn't know how long any of this will last, but for now he's clinging to what there was. He knows he shouldn't, knows it'll only go downhill, but it doesn't seem to stick in his mind, no matter how he tries. So Quinn had given up that idea, just going with it. But it bothers him to hear the way Connor coughs, and he frowns; reaching out to rub gently over the amount of back he can reach around the wings. Then he sighs softly as the male leans back again, arms carefully moving to hold Connor. "Is there anything that would make you want to live? Anything at all?" He finally questions, curious on the matter.

[connor crayze sykes]

The gentleness, everything about it, brought confusion as well. This guy would find somebody and Connor would be left in the dust like every other time. He wished he hadn't been such an ass to Deacon, wished the guy would actually look his way again. He didn't know why it hurt so bad. But the affection he had seen him give to his daughter? Maybe he had longed for that same treatment, that shelter, that love....
Quinn spoke, the question leaning scarily towards his thoughts and Connor bit his lip. Friendship wasn't enough. A lot of things weren't enough. It made it easier, when people cared, showed kindness...but that wasn't what he needed most, strived for even. Anything...that made him want to live?
He swallowed, eyes burning, and tightened his jaw to fight back the sting of tears. "To f-fall in love, have a family..be a-accepted.." True love, not just a fling or relationship. But it scared him, thinking he might not even be here another years, might never even have the chance. Especially if he kept pushing people away.

[tarquin finley ellis]

There are some questions that simply should not be asked. This was probably one of them, though not for a worrisome reason, but just the entire sting of it all. There was the silence that Quinn could manage, not worried about the passing time or anything like that. He was happy enough right here doing little to nothing with the company he had. He obviously wasn't the kind of person to allow anyone here in his dorm, but that was more because he really didn't like having most people around to begin with if he could help it. And usuaally, he could.

For now, Quinn was glad for the company, glad to know that Connor was still alive for now. Everything else was just thing waiting to happen and nothing more. When Connor finally replied, Quinn took the jab without so much as a blink, one hand moving up to play with the male's hair. He doesn't say anything just yet, he quite suddenly has his own pain to deal with. He doesn't want to think about these things, can't stand it for very long, even. He breathes in slowly, exhaling the same way. "I can't have a family. Terribly irresponsible for me to ever procreate; chemical imbalance and all. Wouldn't wish that on anyone..." And he wouldn't, not with all the messed up things he'd gone through because of it. "Plus I'd be a horrible parent anyway." His tone is bland; accepting of those things. It was what it was.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor frowned faintly at that. "A-and yet you act as if y-y-you're waiting for j-just...something, somebody." He smiled at him weakly, exhaustion, defeat, in his eyes. "There's a-a-a reason we all k-keep going, even when we thr-reaten we're ready to give u-" Another cough forced it's way past his lips, shaking his thing body. He brought a hand to his lips, breathless as coughs continued to rack his body.

[tarquin finley ellis]

He tilts his head to the side, his eyes distant for a moment. Then he shrugged. "I'm irrational that way." He responded evenly, glancing away and staring at the wall as if there was something quite interesting about it. There wasn't. And of course Quinn heard the reast of the words, or what Connor could make out before the coughing fit started. Quinn was careful holding the male at that point, not sure if he could do anything at all but wait for it to stop. He shivered at the sounds, the way the frail body moved as the coughing continued.

The sad truth on everything was that Quinn just needed something to cling to, and that was enough to live on. For now, being protective -- and possessive -- of Conner was enough to keep him content. It would keep him moving forward for as long as it kept up like this. There might always be something broken within him, but that couldn't force him to give up or threaten death to himself. He does search, wait for something to come up, to matter enough. But then, Quinn is far more practical about certain parts of life then some people could ever be. It made a difference.

[connor crayze sykes]

[bloclquote]Connor gagged, shuddering as he shifted his weight, breathless. He was aware of the hands on his body, goosebumps raised on his skin as he curled close with a shiver, breaths quick. After a few moments they slowed down some and he closed his eyes. Connor hated that he was so sick. And maybe him not being hurt wasn't the only reason to push others away...maybe he was trying to do them all a favor as well. Those nights sick in his brother's arms came to mind, and without really realizing it, tears began to fall down his cheeks.[/blockquote]

[tarquin finley ellis]

Quinn shifted slightly to make sure he wasn't keeping too much of a hold on Connor while this was all happening. He was focused on what was going on, worry curling in his eyes as he waited it out. He saw the goosebumps, felt the shiver, the way Connor curled close, and Quinn let warmth seep into his skin, wondering if that would help at all. He rubbed lightly over the male's arms and torso; keeping Connor close, but able to move easily if needed. The thought that Connor might die in his arms caused Quinn to quiver and close his eyes for a moment, swallowing uneasily.

The feeling of something hitting his arm made his eyes snap back open, and he peered down, seeing the tears and frowning. He was bad at dealing with this crying thing, he didn't quite know what to do in these situations. There was bleak confusion on his face, and he twisted carefully around, one arm holding to Connor's back, his other hand moving up, fingertips going to wipe at the tears. "Please don't cry..." It was upsetting, and there was slight confusion in his gaze. He had to figure out how to change the pattern of Connor's thoughts. Quinn just reacted; leaning in to almost sweetly send kisses down the male's neck, over a shoulder and back up the neck, right along Connor's jawline before he paused, eyes flickering over the male's face; unsure.