it's not always black and white | Connor

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor ate a few more bites before he was gagging, a hand over his mouth. He swallowed, paling as he stumbled up and moved for the bathroom, not bothering with a stall door as he three up, slumping.

[tarquin finley ellis]

With Calan back to eating his own food and Quinn able to eat his last slice of pizza, he had glanced over to find that Connor was gagging over his own food, which made Quinn frown, uneasy. He wasn't sure what to do about that sort of thing, and there really wasn't anything he could do. He saw the way the male paled before stumbling up and going for the bathroom, and although Quinn had the urge to follow and make sure Connor was okay, he also knew he couldn't leave the kids at the table. He could probably carry Calan, but then what of Christy?

So Quinn simply stayed at the table, biting his lip a little. He wasn't sure exactly how to deal with the situation that had him pulled to make sure his friend was okay, but the pressing need to take care of the children as well. Made things complicated. However, when a group of girls walked in -- they seemed nice enough, and it was three of them -- Quinn asked them if they could watch the kids for a quick second while he checked on his friend who had looked ill. When they said they would, he moved quickly towards the bathroom to find Connor, nervous about leaving the kids with those he didn't know. Finding Connor slumped in a stall, he went to help the male up. "Had to make sure you were alright... let's clean you up quick; I don't feel all that good having other people watching the kids..." He trailed off, looking a little strained over the matter.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor huffed as he was helped up, coughing feebly and groaning. Withdrawal had made his nausea worse than usual.
He leaned against the stall until he found his balance, gagging and swallowing before he moved for the sinks, wings dragging on the floor. He washed his face and rinsed his mouth shakily, staring at his reflections in the mirror, bloodshot eyes, dark circles of exhaustion. Grief washed over him and he looked away.

[tarquin finley ellis]

He didn't like seeing anyone like this, much less someone he had decided was a friend -- as confusing as the situation might be -- and Quinn was unsure just how to handle it. He was doing as much as he could, but was that enough? Was anything? He had to ask himself that, though he did hope Connor could get better, get through this. Quinn knew he did not have many friends here; apperently he'd done that to himself, and he didn't want to lose what he had left. No matter how sick or bad it got. He might not want to be in the middle of a mess because of drugs, but he did want to be there for the winged male.

Quinn moved along with Connor, making sure the male kept his balance as he went. If Connor started to fall, Quinn would catch him and keep him upright. He waited as Connor washed his face and rinsed his mouth, feeling a little fidgety over the fact that the kids weren't in his sight. But at the sight of grief in his friend's eyes, Quinn placed a light hand on Connor's shoulder. "You can get better, you know. You just have to want it bad enough." And it was true. No matter what help was given, what medications were offered, it was still up to Connor to want to get better.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor raised his head at the touch, gazing at Quinn with tired blue eyes. He shrugged. "I've tr-ried... I give up." He hurt too bad. Everybody seemed better off without him. But what about Perseus? Who had cried when Connor's love began to fail? Oh yeah, he hadn't told Quinn about that one..
Oops.
"I-" He swallowed. "I don' kn-now what to d-do anymore."
He rubbed at an eye, hands shaking. "C-come on."

[tarquin finley ellis]

Quinn simply looked back at Connor. The male looked tired, and in a way Quinn could guess at how that might feel. It wasn't quite so bad for him because he can't rmember all the things he'd done, he didn't have to see it all in his head. But he knows there has been bad. He knows, and that's hard enough to deal with. But he does, and he will get better and be something more. He won't give up on that. He just wished he could help Connor see that it didn't have to be so bad... yet what did he really know of the male's life? Only pieces of what the story gave him.

There was a soft sigh at Connor's words of giving up, but Quinn didn't try to argue. His eyes were sad at the thought, but he couldn't say anything to make a difference. He realized that already. More words from the male and Quinn frowned a little. "About what? You can't tell me you don't have reasons to live. And you know I would help you. I'll be here for you, just not physically if you're going postal from drug issues..." He said evenly. It wasn't like Quinn had any right to be commanding with Connor in order to keep the male in line in those moments, so he couldn't be there.

At the words to come on, Quinn nodded and made his way back to the table where the kids were and the three girls. Quinn spoke to them for a moment after taking Calan in his arms, thanking them for watching the kids. Quinn was curiously surprised when one of the girls took a pen to his hand, eyeing the number when the three walked away. Then he held out his hand to Calan with a grin. "High-five little man, I think she likes us." The little boy swatted at Quinn's hand and clung to his neck with a happy sound. Quinn then shuffled to start cleaning the table off and throw away plates.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor didn't know what he meant. He was trying to get better, find hope. Ever since Adam diedthings had just been a downhill spiral. And that was almost two years ago. God, he missed his brother...
Tears fell down his cheeks, and he looked away, working his jaw as Quinn got a girl's number and began to clean up the table.
He wiped at his face, gathering his and Christy's mess to toss, then looked down at her as arms wrapped around his legs in a tight hug. Connor crouched, pulling her into his eyes and kissing the top of her head, tears still falling.

[tarquin finley ellis]

He was silent as he cleaned up, not trying to pry about Connor's tears or any of that. He had no more words to really offer out of the blue, and maybe the male didn't want to talk about it. That was a valid reasoning. So once the table was cleared and all, Quinn stepped back after a second and looked at both Connor and Christy, and then away again after noting the tears were still falling. Quinn had no idea what to say, and Callan was buzzing at his ear, just chattering away with some mindless babble about something or other.

He looked away, shifted from one foot to the other. This was a bit uncomfortable. He cleared his throat softly, then winced as Calan stuck a finger in his ear. He groaned a little and pulled the boy's hand away. Then Quinn glanced at Connor. "I should probably get going, Calan needs to get a check up and all..." He bit his lower lip. "But if you need to talk or anything later, just give me a call or a text or whatever..." He added lightly. Of course he waited a moment, just in case Connor wanted to say anything before Quinn left.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor drew in a breath, biting at his lip. Keeping his mind off things was worth a try, right..?
"C-come to my dorm afterwords? They c-can watch a movie."
Distraction, he needed distraction or he was going to lose his mind and be high by the end of the night. He was too tired to fight it any longer. And knowing it was in his drawer was too tempting.
"Please..."

[tarquin finley ellis]

He was glad that he had waited for Connor to say something before just heading off to make sure Calan got his checkup. He had heard the words from Connor and was thinking about the choices. Quinn had wanted to get some college stuff sorted out after taking Calan back to be watched. He was about to say that when the last word from Connor came. At that point Quinn couldn't very well say no. He'd never feel okay with leaving the male alone when Connor seemed to need company badly enough to ask like that. So Quinn nodded, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, okay. I might not be able to bring Calan; they don't like him gone for too long.." He said evenly. It made sense. Then he waved to Christy, Calan mimicing the motion and turned to leave.

It didn't take too long for Quinn to get Calan back and looked over, and they did want to keep him for observation. They were trying to teach him how to speak better, considering his fast rate of growth being a sort of issue in simply letting Calan learn on his own. Quinn certainly didn't want the child falling too behind simply to spend more time with him. So after leaving him with the caretakers, Quinn made his way back to the mutation ward and towards Connor's room. He had grabbed a bag of popcorn for the movie on the way, letting himself get lost in thought as he went along. He gave another glance to his hand, debating over the number. Then he was at Connor's door and knocking.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor watched him go. The desperation was a last resort.
Leading Christy back, he started her movie again and sat down on the floor before getting up and moving to the bathroom. Searching out a hidden razor blade, he returned to scabbed wrists and dragged it across his thin arms slowly, lifting his jeans to get at his ankle with a shaky breath. He'd needed to do something..even if it was wrong.
He tugged at his jeans a bit, eyeing his hips and pelvis, pressing the blade near the bony jut.
The knock, Connor tensed and gasped as the blade bit deeper into the scarred area. Tpssing it away, he fixed his jeans with a grimace and wrapped a blanket around himself, wings pulling close, doing his best to hide his wrists as he left the bathroom and moved to open the door.

[tarquin finley ellis]

He had to quirk an eyebrow when the door was opened. Connor was wrapped up in a blanket but something about it was off. Sure, Quinn realized that the thinner male might be much more prone to getting cold due to no body fat or.. well much of anything besides skin and bone. Yet that wasn't it at all. He eyed Connor for a minute, then let it go. If the male wanted to talk about it then he would. For now Quinn would just be here if Connor needed to talk. So he walked a little into the room, spotting Christy watching the movie and going to throw the popcorn on top of the microwave for when it was needed. Then he was looking back at Connor and standing there awkwardly.

It was a sort of weird situation for him at this point, and he would let Connor point the direction for any conversation or whatever. Quinn was there to try and be a good friend after all. Yet what could he really say to the male that he hadn't already said? He didn't think he could even get through to Connor anyway. It made Quinn feel a bit worthless in this situation, and so he simply took a moment to look at his phone and put in the number before he ended up washing it off without putting in in his phone. He could see himself doing something like that, and wouldn't that be a pity? Anyway, it was something to do while he waited.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor watched him put the number in and smirked. "G-girls huh?" He murmured, reaching for the medication and taking two pills, doing his best to hide his wrists. He sat on the edge of the bed and swallowed the pills dry, looking at Quinn. He curled on the bed under the blanket, patting the spot next to him. But Christy was already pulling Quinn closer. "Watch with me."

[tarquin finley ellis]

He blinked and looked up when Connor commented on the number he was putting into his phone from his hand and grinned back a little with a shrug. "Yeah, I don't see why not. I find them attractive and all.. honestly I might not have given too much thought about being queer had I not been told..." His words drifted off and he looked a little bit awkward in those seconds. He probably would have simply admired males from a distance, truth be told. Not that he felt too weird about it, it was just kind of odd finding out these things and then explaining it to someone.

He stuffed his phone in his pocket, not really looking at Connor at that point. Sure, stuff was still confusing and Quinn didn't know how to take everything, so he merely took it with a grain of salt. When the male curled under the blanket and motioned to the spot beside him, Quinn started to move there, then found Christy was pulling him closer with the words to watch with her. He chuckled and instead stretched out next to Connor and pulled Christy closer so they could watch the movie. There. Everyone could be happy that way.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor took the brief moments that Quinn was distracted with Christy to check his bleeding hip, make sure it wasn't bleeding through his jeans too terribly. Oh well, he'd ad plenty of blood stained jeans in his life, though his father was to blame for at least half of them.
Tugging the blankets close over his wrists again, he blinked at the movie, yawning sleepily.