it's not always black and white | Connor

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor didn't even watch Quinn go about the cleaning. He didn't move until he was spoken to, finally tilted his head to look towards the other male. "S-so I had someone to talk to.." He whispered guiltily. "So I c-could avoid the drugs a-and all tha just h-happened... I tought I c-could do it, I h-hadn't planned on cutting. I'm s-sorry." He rubbed at his face, just so drained...

[tarquin finley ellis]

Maybe he didn't want to know or didn't need to. It wasn't going to matter all that much anyway, was it? Quinn had put aside his own things to do to be here for his friend. It just went in a direction that he hadn't planned on it going. He thought that Connor was okay today, and for the most part the male had been. Except for the cutting. At least Connor hadn't gone all druggie postal and all. That would have been bad, and honestly, Quinn probably wouldn't have let Christy stick around in that situation. But Connor seemed more sober around her, which was a good thing.

When Connor looked at him finally and answered, Quinn just nodded at the words. He didn't mind being a distraction from drugs, not at all. It was understandable and he was glad to help with that part. But Connor still had cut, planned or not, and that raised complications too. There was a sigh. "Maybe I should be mad at you or something... more then how I feel, and yet... It's kind of hard to be angry with you. I don't know why. I want to help you and be here for you, but I can't shake the feeling that it won't matter at all anyway. And yet I'm still standing here..." It was quite a circle.

[connor crayze sykes]

"I'm tr-rying.." Connor choked. "I just-.. It's h-hard... I couldn't do i-it without something.. I'm sorry." He closed his eyes, drawing in a breath. "It's been a-a day and a half, that's s-something right? Y-you can't say it's n-not Quinn.. If it doesn't m-matter, I may as well g-go shoot up now then." He coughed, hugging Christy closer.

[tarquin finley ellis]

His expression was thoughtful as he watched and listened, and finally he nodded. "It is something, yes. I'm glad you made it this far. But we'll have to find other ways for you to deal with being off it. Without the cutting." He paused, rolling that over in his mind for a few seconds, wondering what might be something the help with that. He honestly didn't know. "Anything you can think of that'll keep you from shooting up and the cutting?" He asked lightly. Connor was doing good all things considered when it came to the drugs, but he needed a better distraction.

Quinn had to be thankful that he didn't remember the drugs or how it felt, that he had been forced to quit all of that while in the coma. Now it wasn't any sort of problem, and he had no want to even go back to it. Cigarettes as well had been decided against, and so there was nothing like that for him. Perhaps that was why he could even bother saying anything at all about this. He wasn't a hypocrite anymore. And he really did want to help.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor shrugged. "I dunno," He mumbled softly, playing with his sister's hair. He cleared his throat, running a hand over a recent scar where his liver was. "I'm never c-clean for l-long anyway."
He began to cough, letting go of Christy so he wouldn't wake her.

[tarquin finley ellis]

Well it wasn't helping that Connor had no ideas on what else to do to keep from shooting up, and Quinn couldn't be sure either. Guess it was going to be something to look up and look into later. If there was information out there, then Quinn would find it. Right now, however, he could offer nothing more about it. And he wasn't really sure how good he felt about Connor being alone -- or near enough -- while this was going on. Also something Quinn could really fix too well. There were so many questions and issues to get over, but he was going to try.

He didn't know hoe to feel about the comment of Connor never being clean for long. Was that worse or better for this? He could see it in both lights, though he still wasn't sure what that ment for the trying to keep Connor clean this time. And Quinn wanted that to be the way it happened this time around. When the male began to cough, Quinn moved, going to grab Connor some water and bringing it over for the male. Could help with the coughing. Quinn was pretty much out of ideas as it was. "Will you be alright if I go? I mean you can always call if you're feeling really close to doing something...." He added softly.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor huffed a thanks and took the water, taking a swallow and easing up. "I-I guess. Chris h-has testing tomorrow." Eyes darkened as he said it. He didn't want her being treated like that. He curled close again, wings spreading protectively. He closed his eyes, hoping to get sleep. Tomorrow was going to be hell.

[tarquin finley ellis]

He simply stepped back after giving Connor the water, a half shrug at the thanks. It felt strange to just be here and have all these complications he had no answers for. That, and the fact he knew there had been things that had happened between them, but no memories to back it up and no clear understanding of it. There was only so much words could really do. Would it ever be easier for him to deal with what his life had been in the past? The things he had done, the person he had been? It was a constant on his mind, and it sucked.

With the words from Connor, Quinn dipped his head, but he noted the way the male's eyes darkened at the comment about Christy. He took a breath. "Well let me know when and we can find a way to take your mind off of it. Maybe go to the arcade...?" He didn't know and he wasn't sure he was an arcade kind of person. Guess he'd find out eventually. However, with all this said, Quinn decided to turn and go. There was still time to get a few things done, so he would focus on that for now.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor nodded. "S-sure." He curled up under the blankets with a shiver, raising his head to watch Quinn turn to leave. He didn't even know what time it was. "Night Quinn..." He murmured, yawning sleepily. Eyes closed and he smiled faintly as Christy nuzzled into him, and actual picture of bliss.

[tarquin finley ellis]

With the idea for tomorrow settled -- at least as a possibility -- he opened the door to the room, giving a glance back at Connor's goodbye and allowing a light smile to curl over his lips. "Goodnight, Connor." He replied evenly, then he walked out the door and shut it carefully so not to wake Christy, then started for his own dormroom to get things done. He needed to make that list, figure out that paperwork and anything else he might have forgotten in the last few hours due to what had been going on. There was quite a bit more going on in his mind now, but most of it was stuff to think on for another day.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor smiled faintly, relaxing as the door clicked shut. His body and mind was do exhausted, it was winning over the withdrawal and soon he was out cold, breaths soft despite his fever. He slept through the rest of the day and the entire night without a problem.

[tarquin finley ellis]

He did get that list written out and the college paperwork in order before he went to bed, and he also shuffled through DVDs and put them on his desk for the morning before he went to bed. It was bright and early when he got up the next day, and he attempted to start the day out with re-learning some martial arts. He found that even the earliest DVDs had pretty advanced stuff on them which seemed unfortunate until he tried them. His body seemed to know what was up even if his mind didn't, and he didn't do too badly at it. Though he supposed his muscles were a bit lax from the month of coma. He'd get back there though.

As long as he worked on it, he'd be fine. After some of that, he went to grab breakfast -- he didn't really mind the overwhelming need to eat, he just was careful of what and how much at a given time -- and then he was back to the hospital to do some cleaning for them, rushing around with lists and files and any general help that they needed. When he was made aware of Christy needing to go in, Quinn started off towards the mutation ward and Connor's room. They had some sort of plans for the day; maybe the arcade or something. Though Quinn didn't care if they just watched a movie. Whatever worked. He knocked on the door and waited.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor took his time getting up, dreading taking Christy. He cpughed softly, reddened eyes watering as he shivered and got Christy up and dressed. He brought her down to the hospital, then wandered back to his dorm, upset and feelng sick wings dragged on the ground before he climbed into his bed, curling up on top of the blankets, shuddering. Sweat matted his hair and he eyes the drawer his drugs were in, then his scabbed wrists.

[tarquin finley ellis]

There was no answer to the knock on the door, and Quinn wondered if Connor hadn't gotten back from the hospital yet. But he knew Christy should have been there, and that it wouldn't have taken all that long for the winged male to get back to his dorm. And that part above all made him nervous, not sure if perhaps Connor had slipped and was in a drug daze and couldn't hear his knocking, or if he'd turned back to cutting and the sound was muffled by the bathroom door... All these things started going through his head, and so he had to decide.

He took a breath, not feeling all that good about just barging in, but not wanting to take any chances with how delicate of a situation this was. Connor's life meant more then having the male angry at him. And so he exhaled and put his hand on the doorknob. "Connor, I'm coming in." He called out, then he opened the door and walked in, eyes flickering over the room but noticing Connor shuddering on the bed. Quinn moved quickly over to the male, checking to see if he was alright or drugged up or cut. Didn't look like any of those, though it did look like Connor was fighting a pretty bad urge to shoot up. "Hey, it's going to be okay. I'll help you through this." He said softly.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor raised his head, swallowing. He just nodded, scootingbover s Quinn could sit down if hewanwanted. He ran hand through his hair, coughing and snifflng as he shifted his weoght, rollingbonto his stomach and burying his face in his pillow with husky breaths. He groaned in complaint.