it's not always black and white | Connor

[tarquin finley ellis]

He knew Connor was shifting around a little, but he was settling in and getting comfy to watch the movie, so he didn't try to pry and see what the male was doing at this point. It was odd to see Connor being so clingly at the blankets, but since the winged male was probably cold, that made enough sense. It might be too odd for him to offer contact warmth at this time anyway, so Quinn just left it alone. If Connor needed to be warmer, then he'd say so; right?

Of course when the male yawned, that Quinn heard and it caught his attention and made him peer over at Connor with a faint smile. "You can nap if you're tired. We have the movie so that'll keep us company enough." He points out lightly, quite content to lay just like this for awhile and relax. It wasn't so bad, and a lot calmer then what he had planned with trying to figure out paperwork and all that kind of stuff for the college classes and all that. Just another headache for another time, that.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor nodded. He knew he couldn't sleep though. His nerves were too shot. A wing stretched out to drape over himself, peeking out of the blankets, and Christy reached out to play with the dark feathers, smiling up at Quinn before looking back towards the movie. Connor stared at the screen with a blank gaze, mentally straying however, distant and quiet.

He didn't know what else to do. That urge, need, was maddening.

[tarquin finley ellis]

Quinn had to say that he wasn't exactly paying much attention to the movie. His mind was bouncing around a couple different places right now, and it was too hard to just focus on the movie. There was so much on his mind lately, so many thing he wanted to get in order with his life so he could just live it differently then before. He was still figuring out more missing pieces to who he had been, but there wasn't all that much that he was learning that made him feel any better. Mostly the more he knew the worse he felt about himself. But he couldn't let that bring him down.

He had a second chance at living, and he wasn't aiming to waste that. It gave him a whole new outlook, even if he couldn't remember anything from before the coma. Or, well, obviously while it was happening. At least he could retain new memories, because otherwise that would just suck so badly. He gave a glance over at Connor then Christy when he saw the stretch of wing and the girl playing witht he feathers. There was a little smile, and then his mind was off again, going through a list of things he was going to need to get for later.

[connor crayze sykes]

When Connor felt sticky blood brush his arm from his jeans, he grunted. It wasn't a deep enough cut to be terribly dangerous, but with thin blood, it didn't like to clot. So of course it bled through. He shifted his weight a bit, pressing his arm down to apply pressure to his hip, breaths soft after the initial sharp one.

They didn't need to know he had been cutting himself up in the bathroom minutes ago.

[tarquin finley ellis]

The list of things to get and the need to get college paperwork all together and in order weren't the only things on Quinn's mind just now. He was also debating the idea of writing things down, just in case something else were to happen -- and it would only be on accident if it did -- so he could know what was going on in his life up to whatever point it was where he supposed he could lose more memories. Not that he had much to begin with right now. Quinn didn't want something like that to happen, but it was possible. Might as well be prepared.

His mind was thrown from these thoughts at the grunt from Connor, but he didn't do anything to move or look over just yet. No, it wasn't until the male was shifting about a bit that Quinn finally glanced over to see what might be wrong. The way Connor was laying didn't seem all that comfortable. It seemed forced. Quinn looked perplexed at this, and then he sighed and lifted up the blanket. He saw the blood at the male's hip through the jeans, and then his gaze caught the wrists, too. He reached out to hold those wrists, frowning. "Connor!" His voice was hushed, but not any less disappointed sounding. "Why?" There might not be much of a point in asking, but Quinn did anyway.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor tensed as the blankets were pulled back. Eyes flashed, then grew humiliated and he looked away as he worked his jaw. Christy looked up, her lip quivering, and she got up and moved around until she found band aids and held them out to Quinn curiously.
Gentle tears fell down Connor's cheeks. "I-" There was no excuse. It was just another bad habit. One that was worse when he needed stress relief.
Christy, sadly, knew the places he cut himself, and was pushing the bottoms of Connor's jeans up to reveal those cuts as well, unbuttoning his jeans to push them a little lover on his hips. But scars of cuts traced even lower. Scars where there shouldn't have been any/

[tarquin finley ellis]

He noted the way that Connor had tensed, and even the look on the male's face when Quinn looked at the cuts, saw the blood. He hadn't meant to alert Christy to the matter, but it seemed as if she knew all about it. Enough to move around and fish out bandaids to hand to him. Quinn's lips became thin lines, not exactly fond of the idea of a little girl being around such a thing. What kind of things was it teaching her? Yet Quinn said nothing about that just yet and accepted the bandaids, going to put a few over some of the bad cuts on Connor's wrists.

There was a long drawn out sigh when the winged male started to say something, when Quinn noticed the tears. What should he say about this? Certainly Connor knew how bad it was, knew that is wasn't good for Christy to be around it. Self destruction wasn't something a little girl needed to see. When Christy rolled the bottoms of the jeans up, Quinn simply applied bandaids to what looked like they needed it, then twitched back, startled when Christy unbuttoned and pushed Connor's jeans lower on the male's hips. "Whoa there nelly, let's keep his pants on, kay?" He chided gently, yet awkwardly bandaged up the hip cut as quickly as possible. He looked up at Connor. "Please stop doing this... it's not good, not for anyone around you, either." He said pointedly, hoping the male got the message.

[connor crayze sykes]

"Daddy did it to him lots..he's a bad man." She whispered, touching Connor's cheek gently. "Don't cry bubba.." She hugged him, but at Quinn's words, Connor's shoulders shook. He knew. But he hadn't known what else to do. He needed /something/. Self abuse..it came with domestic abuse, grew into a horrible addiction. Inflicting his own pain had taken away some of what his father did to him at a constant rate. It was good Christy had been removed from the household early, but even so, it hadn't saved her from a whip scar across her back. Connor, however, had hundreds.

[tarquin finley ellis]

Quinn grimaced at the words Christy said, looking away for a moment. There was little more he could say here, and it irked him that he couldn't help more. It was a very depressing situation to be on the sidelines looking in, having no control on the matter, being helpless while watching a friend go through this, do this to himself. It made Quinn very uneasy, and he was struggling to think of things that could help. Anything was better then this, then doing nothing at all. He could be here for Connor, but how long would the male be alive, even, at this rate?

He rubbed a hand over his face, then looked back at Connor. "Look, you can't be doing this. She needs you. This place is bad enough on people, but for a child without family? You're already very sick, and it won't take much for a bad enough infection..." He inhaled, trying to calm his own nerves. "I'll do whatever I can to help you get better. Bring in people that know how to get you off that crap you have, someone to talk to.. But this can't keep happening, Connor. You have to stop." His voice was even, but Quinn was not feeling as calm as his words portrayed.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor drew in a breath. "Sh-she's better off without me..I sh-should had taken that damned bullet to the h-head, not my brother."
Christy began to cry at that, mumbling how she missed Adam, reaching to touch the name there over Connor's heart.
"You can't die too Con-Con.." She whimpered.
Connor drew in a breath. "I'm s-sorry baby...I'm sorry.." He huffed, hugging her closer. She pushed away, and a strangled sound escaped his throat.
"Chris-"
"Don' go...get better..." She threw the band aids at him and moved for the bathroom.
The razor, blood..
"Christy!"
A sob from the little girl and Connor was up, moving for the bathroom and scooping her into his arms. "I'm s-sorry...I'll stop. I'm sorry..." He choked, holding her as close as he could as he sat back down on the bed, looking at Quinn with tears in his eyes.

[tarquin finley ellis]

There was that certain moment at the first words where all Quinn wanted to do was shake Connor. Violently. Of course he didn't do that, but his hands itched for it anyway. There was so much he wanted to say, and yet it seemed wrong to do it in front of a little girl. Though Christy had gone through and seen more then enough to know what was going on and probably remember it for the rest of her life anyway. It was a terrible thing, but there was little to do about that now. Yet it didn't have to stay bad. It could get better if only Connor worked to make it so.

Quinn watched numbly at the whole thing unfolded before his eyes. He wanted to reach out to them, but he stopped himself. He just listened for now, because it was all he could do. And When Connor told Christy that he'd stop, Quinn had to hold onto that. "You better not be lying to her about that. I'm going to check up on you, you know." He warned softly. He was not going to be pleased if Connor kept the cutting and being a druggie up. Not at all. "If you need to go somewhere where you can't get at things, I'll go with you if you need me to. But however it happened, you shouldn't waste the life your brother sacrificed his for." It might be a reach in the dark on that one, but it sounded like how it might have gone down to him.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor tensed, eyebrows furrowing. "H-he should still be alive." He muttered. "My f-fucking needle got him sick, HIV fr-rom somebody. And I-" Connor shuddered. "Russian R-Roulette. He wasn't supposed to know..wasn't s-supposed to play.. He died bec-cause I'm w f-fucking idiot." He'd lost three fourths of his family that night.bhis brother and mom dying, the real abuse starting, Christy getting hauled to foster care...
Connor sobbed into her little shoulder as she clung to him just as desperately, patting his back. "S'okay..he's in a happy place with moma.." She insisted.

[tarquin finley ellis]

Quinn made an annoyed sound in his throat. "Shit's not fair. My brother should still be alive too." He points out. But the only thing you could do was live out the life you had and try not to waste it. Obviously, Quinn had been taking a page from Connor's book when he tried to commit suicide, but Quinn was seeing things clearly now. He didn't want to die. "And you are still playing around with needles? What, couldn't learn from those mistakes?" His voice was quiet, sad even. He wasn't trying to be a dick about it, but yeah. Connor was a bit of an idiot.

It was heartbreaking just listening to Christy talk to Connor about things, trying to make the male feel better. Like the kid was taking care of Connor more then the male was taking care of her. "Seriously, Connor. I want to help. But it's not going to be easy, and you need to really try. Do it for Christy because she needs you. And I care and that's not going to change." He wanted to drill it into the male's mnd, wanted this to work out. Quinn didn't know all that it would take, but he was willing to learn and be there for Connor.

[connor crayze sykes]

"I s-said fine," Connor growled, raising his head. He didn't want to get clean. Drugs were all he knew... Lying on his side, he drew his little sister close and pulled the blankets up as she sniffled, complained about her tail.
He hit play on the DVD player, figuring theu may as well continue. But eventually Christy was lying there relaxed, breaths slow with sleep, and Connor was staring blankly at the wall.

[tarquin finley ellis]

Quinn eyed Connor as the male growled out the words, but he didn't retort back. He simply kept silent as he watched the two, and when Connor hit play on the DVD player and Christy was asleep, Quinn got up and walked to the bathroom, needing to refocus his mind and finding it easier to do while cleaning up the place. He picked up the razors, cleaned up the blood and situated things all nice and tidy. It wasn't like he had an issue with blood, since he had been helping out at the hospital with clean up, and a lot of that dealt with blood.

After he was done in there, he went around the room to idly pick things up that seemed out of place, just making the room look neater. It was helping to get his mind off of the issues, though he knew they'd be right back there in a few minutes. After he was done doing that, he leaned against the wall and sighed, running a hand through his hair and wondering if he should go or stay a little longer. He wasn't even sure why Connor had asked him to come over in the first place. Maybe he should ask. "Why did you want me to come over?" The words were quiet, questioning.