like a shadow on the wall | Connor

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor shuddered as he was lifted, surprised amd startled, and if anything, scarily ashamed. He curled limply in Quinn's arms, groaning when his body was finally put into the water. Connor's head found Quinn's shoulder and his eyes closed, breaths rapid and shallow. The seizure had exhausted any strength he had left.

He didn't fight Quinn off, water enough to make his wings heavy, and he let those droop into the water as well. This was the one time Connor wished that humiliation was numbed by that pride. But it wasn't, and tears fell down his cheeks until he cried himself to sleep in Quinn's arms.

[tarquin finley ellis]

Quinn hadn't let the reactions from Connor deter him; none of this phazed him at all. None of it made any difference to him. It was a little awkward, he had to admit that to himself, but more for his own thought process. At least Connor didn't try to fight him off. There hadn't been any words, either. Not that Quinn expected any from the male. It had been quite quiet between them after what had happened just hours ago. It didn't make Quinn stay away, though he knew it really should have. That should have been the last straw, and yet Quinn wasn't able to just leave Connor there like that.

Which was good, since Quinn had no idea what might have happened if Connor had been left just as he'd found the male on the floor. Quinn did what he could to keep himself detatched from Connor's crying, trying to swallow all of that down enough to just get the male washed up. He was careful washing Connor the rest of the way and shampooing the male's hair before he let the water drain and did his best to keep Connor warm; to dry off the male's wings enough to lift Connor out of the bathtub and bring him back to the bed. Quinn set the male down, wrapped Connor in the blankets and then simply started to clean up.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor didn't wake through the motions. His body was too weal to keep up with any of it. He stopped shivering once the blankets were tucked close. But hopefully this would be enough to snap him from the silent, emotionless state he had fallen ito previously after their fight. Connor slept hard for a good hour before he finally began to stir and curled up, damp wigs causing him to shiver.

It took him a moment to realize what had happened, and he rubbed groggilyat his face before looking around.

[tarquin finley ellis]

It took awhile for things to be cleaned up enough for Quinn's liking; he was a bit of a neat freak after all. And he didn't even stop at the messes, just sort of tidying up whatever was around since he was in the whole mindset to clean. Might as well not waste it while he had it going, right? And after he'd done that, he had settled at the end of the bed, playing games on his phone for lack of anything better to do.

Quinn was calm enough at this point, in an even state of mind after cleaning and all that. Guess it was good for him to be doing something to keep his mind off of internal problems. He glanced over when Connor started to stir, noting the shiver and putting the cellphone away more crawling up to the male and settling to his side next to Connor; simply holding out his arms in case the male wanted to get close for warmth.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor curled close when arms were opened up, and he reached out to touch Quinn's cheek. "I-I'm an ass, Quinn, but not li-ike that...that wasn't m-me 'n I'm s-sorry..." Earnest blue eyes searched his face a moment before he trembled and curled as close as he could. There was mo rush of emotion. He was still too tired. But there was enough that he could talk and was aware of what was going on.

[tarquin finley ellis]

There was a little sigh as Connor curled close, and he let his arms settle loosely around the male. His gaze was steady on Connor when the male reached out to touch his face, and he didn't move away. He listened to the words and swallowed uncomfortably, eyes shifting away for a moment. He inhaled slowly, but didn't do anything more as Connor curled even closer. "Forget it, please." He whispered, trying to just push the whole memory from his mind. He didn't want to think about it.

He could just lay here with the male in his arms for warmth and that was it. There was no knowing if something else might come up, if they could end up at each other's throats again. Quinn wanted to prevent that from happening, but since he couldn't tell how or when it would happen again, he could just try not to think about those things for now. After a few seconds, he pressed his lips to Connor's forehead. "I suppose if you really want to later..." He took a gulp of air. "I mean I've pretty much given you everything else..." The words were very quiet.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor dropped it when he was asked to, biting his lip at the kiss and next comment. "I-..y-you were right though.." He murmured softly. "S-save that for somebody worth it.." He wanted it. Badly. But Quinn's words hung in his head like a haunt. He couldn't sit and use him for sex. He needed to straighten out his head.. It wasn't right to be interested in two people, sleep with one and flirt with the other. He'll, usually it was hard to trust one person. Now he didn't even know what to do..

[tarquin finley ellis]

The first comment, what Quinn asked be forgotten was dropped, and he was grateful for that. It was better to just pretend it didn't happen at all. Quinn doesn't want to deal with the internal issues of what had occurred, and so he decided not to. At all. Nothing happened and he did not have to think about what had been said or done. Connor had been right; it wasn't fully them anyway. The injections had changed them in ways, altered them and that was what they'd seen. It wasn't even real, so Quinn would act as if weren't.

He couldn't help sigh and shiver a little at Connor's reply to the other words, and maybe he would have left it there at that had the second set of words not come into play. That was different. "You are worth it. I wouldn't have wanted you to love me so badly if I didn't think you were." His voice was still calm, still quiet. There was no need to speak higher then this with Connor pressed so close to him anyway. Sure, Quinn doesn't know what the male is thinking and it's for the best that he doesn't, but it won't change the words. "Do you not think I'm attractive?" A soft inquiry that he's almost unwilling to ask at all. He's not sure he wants to know.

[connor crayze sykes]

"I-" The question caught him off guard and he blinked. "No, Quinn... You are. Why would I-I have e-even bothered if you weren't?" He touched his cheek. "I'm just-..I'm s-so confused, and torn... This relationship feels so m-material... And when we g-got in that fight a-and you seemed done, I h-had a run in woth the coroner's brother and-... It's so hard to choose..I-O don't want to do th-that..." Stress fliclered in his eyes, confusion. He heart hammered against Quinn's chest. He knew he shouldn't be admitting such things, but Quinn had to know he wasn't the main reason for it.. Had to know Connor was the fucked up one. It was so much stress... Maybe choosing neither of them, choosing solitude, would be best.
It broke his heart.

[tarquin finley ellis]

He was quiet, calm as Connor spoke. Trying not to let anything get to him, because Quinn had no wish for a repeat of the previous hours. Not at all. But it stung regardless, and he pressed his forehead lightly at the curve of Connor's neck;, eyes closed. He didn't speak right away, just feeling the heartbeat of the other male against his chest and trying to keep his own strictly in check. Easier said then done, but Quinn was taking deep breaths and taking his time with all of this.

He pressed light kisses to Connor's neck and leaned back to look at the male. "I've never had what anyone would consider a normal relationship, so a lot of this is my fault... but I was willing to learn, you know... and it's not like I don't care about you. I don't sleep here for my sake, but if it helps you sleep..." He bit his lower lip, trying to put the words right, sort of fumbling anyway. "I don't really know what I'm doing wrong... it doesn't exactly come naturally." He looked uncomfortable. "Probably doesn't help that I didn't have much normal social interaction. Homeschooled and all that. My family, they are kinda rich snobs. And you know, being sorta a mob or whatever probably doesn't help either..." Quinn looked frustrated with it all. And he was.

[connor crayze sykes]

"I-it's not just your fault.." Connor whispered softly. "I-I'm an idiot, I let th-things get in the way.. I'm not worth being h-hurt over.." He swallowed, hated admitting to his problems, the way he viewed himself. "You deserve s-so much more than a-a piece of shit Quinn..." A gentle touch to the cheek. "So m-much more.."

He buried his face in the other male's neck, just holding him. "Go o-out and find that for yourself..." Connor kissed his jaw tenderly. "I c-can't be your everything... I wish I could.."

[tarquin finley ellis]

Quinn didn't want to argue, he really didn't. Yet he couldn't just lay there and listen to this without saying something, could he? No, Quinn found that he couldn't do that. He needed to speak, needed to respond to the things that were being said. "I already decided you were worth it. You're worth a lot, at least to me." The words are low, and Quinn is trying to keep his tone even, unconfrontational. He didn't care how Connor saw himself, that didn't make any difference to Quinn. He'd already decided how he saw the male. In many ways, and that wasn't the same as Connor saw himself.

Quinn stroked along the male's lower back, under the wings. It was an attempt at a comforting motion; most of his touches right now were. "You aren't a piece of shit, so don't say it. Anyway, this isn't about what I deserve. I want you, and that's just how it is." Not that Quinn thinks his words will matter or make any difference to the male, not after everything. He remembered the words he'd once said. He still believed them. Quinn was going through the motions because it was all he had. So he's silent for a few moments. "I don't want to, so I won't." He says simply. He wasn't looking to find anything. He held Connor carefully, feeling hollow again. "I don't think I even need that much.... You won't even try." He fell quiet again, sullen.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor swallowed back the retort that he really was, giving Quinn a chance to speak. "I c-can't try anymore Quinn..I don't know h-how.." He drew in a shaky breath. Even if he did, how did one choose between two guys? Not like these two were.. He was so lost..so stressed and sick of being here, locked in with the same people day after day. No redos, wiping the slate clean. Noneof that..
His heart had started to race again and he swallowed, doing his best to calm down.
"If I h-had ignored you the first day, you would b-be so much better off..."

[tarquin finley ellis]

No, there was no way to re-do these things. No way to go back and fix what had been broken. There was only the attempting to go forward... or the lack of will to go anywhere at all anymore. Quinn didn't know how to do anything other then just keep goiong, even if it was around in circles, even if he never got anywhere. It was difficult, knowing that this was it, that there wasn't much that could be done. It was why Quinn wanted to be done with feeling anything at all. But with these injections, that wasn't an option right now. It forced him to feel. He couldn't be near Connor without something there, lurking under the surface.

His hands don't stop moving, he needs to do something and for now this is enough, this keeps him from going off the deep end again. Fingers along Connor's back and nothing more. "Just be mine... We can struggle to figure the rest out... I can try to be better..." Hopeless words, but it doesn't make them any less true. His eyes close when Connor speaks again. Quinn doesn't know what to say to that comment. He doesn't know what could have been. That's not something he's really good at. He sighed heavily. "You don't know that." He finally said, voice low, shaky.

[connor crayze sykes]

"I do..." Connor murmured. "Th-think about it...none o-of this..no waste of time, y-you'd have every guy wrapped around y-you pretty little finger instead of this.. When I-I'm gone, it'll be j-just like that... If I'd never a-approached...you'd be h-happier..healthier...I-I don't deserve to dr-rag you down with me.." He had to figure his own head out first, and he didn't want Quinn to refrain from looking elsewhere for what he needed.