[CON] you're the closest to heaven..

[deacon reid rudman]

Deacon continued to argue with himself until he finally had enough. He reached out for the boy, gently pulling him back. He looked over his face, everything he'd tried to push away seeming to wash over him again. He raised his hand to the boy's neck, leaning close to press a gentle kiss to his lips. His other arm wrapped tightly around him, holding the boy close to him. He was confused and hurt and wanted so badly to just.. finish what he's started in high school, finally find that balcony where Perseus couldn't cut him down. He felt awful, giving in to the boy. In front of his assistant, no less. Finally confirming whatever doubts there may have been about his sexuality. He slowly pulled back, reaching up to brush the hair back from the boy's forehead. Loving him seemed just as hard as hating him.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor tensed up as he was pulled close, fearful of being yelled at again for his words. The kiss was so surprising he didn't even have time to panic. He managed to kiss back briefly, but was crying too much to do much else. He was so utterly confused. He didn't deserve this.. Not after the things he had done to Deacon, not after what he had said. Hands grabbed at Deacon's shirt again.

[deacon reid rudman]

Deacon gently brushed away his tears, then wrapped his arms slowly around the boy, hugging him close. He heard Bandit screaming again, clearly not okay with someone besides her touching her daddy. But she'd also never seen him touch anyone else in anything more than a quick hug. He finally let the boy go, walking to Derek to take his daughter. He hugged her tightly as he walked out the door, keeping his head down. The thought crossed his mind briefly that had Connor seen the way he treated Kera when she was alive, he might have realized the cold actions were just how he treated her- an inhibiting fear of ever being close to anyone.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor swallowed, watching him go brokenly before he collapsed. Derek was there, picking up his thin body and holding him close. "He just doesn't know what to feel." Connor huffed, feeling himself carried down the hall to the nurses. His eyes closed and he fell asleep, only waking hours later on a hospital bed in an empty room.

[deacon reid rudman]

Deacon managed to fall asleep hours later, holding tightly to his daughter. But he wasn't asleep long before he was startled awake by a nightmare. He laid there awhile, the dream slowly fading before he got up to get dressed. He got Bandit dressed for the day before he carried her down to the morgue with him. He didn't trust leaving her with anyone today. He had no doubts that they'd seen him kiss Connor and that they wouldn't be happy about it.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor rubbed blearily at his face, still exhausted. There was a nurse that had walked in at some point and was trying to persuade him to eat. He argued until she threatened he would be forced by tube. Getting up, he swallowed at the mention of the head here wanting to speak to him about stealing the drugs yesterday to try and off himself with. He followed her dejectedly towards the dining hall and ordered a small meal, sitting down by himself. She didn't leave though, so he choked the food down until she left. Then he pushed his plate away and made his way outside and out of view, sticking his fingers down his throat.

[deacon reid rudman]

Deacon looked over the paper he'd been faxed before he started to his office to look at the x-rays. He left Bandit there, sure she wouldn't get into anything. She was too short to reach anything sharp. He started back with them, looking them over carefully. He wasn't noticing anything abnormal about them. 'Another dead end..' He thought, opening the door to the morgue. But Bandit was nowhere to be found. He looked around, checking the freezer in case she'd gotten locked in there before he started looking the halls, checking the closets for the little red head.

[connor crayze sykes]

After Connor was pretty sure he could throw nothing else up, he sat down outside alone. After awhile, a run in with Quinn, and new marks on his neck from the possessive male, Connor was called to the hospital to speak with the head doctor himself. The day dragged, get scolded for what he had done and assigned a new roommate in order to 'improve' his responsibility. After the kid was settled and asleep, Connor left, slinking off to the coffee shop for some quiet, tired of everything.

[deacon reid rudman]

Deacon wandered outside, finally worried. He didn't know where his daughter was. He nearly ran into Connor going back in, catching sight of his neck. He suddenly felt sick, angry at himself. He didn't know how he was right, but he was. The boy may as well be a whore as far as he was concerned. He jogged back to the morgue, praying to whatever god was listening that Derek was there to help him look for her. He was far better at looking for things, was practically Deacon's right hand.

[connor crayze sykes]

Connor didn't even have the credits to buy coffee, just sat down quietly by himself, mumbling a hello to the red-headed woman working the counter. He reached up to rub at his neck, eyebrows furrowing. The way the male had acted when he started nearly crying over Deacon's rejection scared him.

Derek raised his head as Deacon walked in, taking in the worry etched on his face. "What's wrong?"

[deacon reid rudman]

"Find my baby, Derek.. Please.." Deacon pleaded, his voice cracking. He was about to sob. He'd never not been able to find the little girl. Someone always knew where she was. Bandit was all he had. All he'd ever have. It'd occured to him before to marry just so she had a mother. But he'd never found anyone who was okay with him not loving her. "I can't find her.. I left her here with her doll a-and.. Derek.."

[derek chandler ralston]

Derek swallowed, eyes darkening as his lips parted faintly. He'd never been the friendliest guy, but Deacon was probably the closest to a friend he had. "Hey..shh..." He hugged him gently. "We'll find her okay? Somebody's gotta know where she is, huh? Have you talked to your brother?"

[deacon reid rudman]

Deacon wrapped his arms slowly around Derek, hugging him tightly. "Perce doesn't have her.. None of the nurses do.. I saw Sykes, and he didn't have her.. Derek, I need my daughter.." He mumbled, holding tightly to Derek. The man had always been the one person Deacon had trusted, even if he'd never shown it. He knew Bandit adored him, and anyone Bandit liked was good enough for him. Not to mention he'd never really had a friend besides him.

[derek chandler ralston]

Derek rubbed his back gently. "I know... we'll find her." He kissed the side of his head absently. "Come on. You said you left her here with a doll?" Maybe they could find the doll or something. "Let's check the places she's most familiar with okay?" He murmured in his ear.

[deacon reid rudman]

The fact he was so close to Derek had Deacon's heart racing. He knew it was no secret that he liked guys, not after he'd made a fool of himself last night. "She's not in my room, I already checked. And she wasn't in the cafeteria." He said quietly, slowly drawing his arms back. He knew it would be easy to get used to being held. And being used to anything terrified him.